Here we go...again.

Today I made an agreement with myself. I agreed to begin making more of an effort to be a finisher, not just a starter. This self-reflective agreement stems from a growing discontentment with my overall M.O. I am an excitable individual. New ideas, new activities, new people really rev my engine...but all too often the excitement peters out and I am left in the frustrating darkness of non completion, non-mastery, lack of depth and substance of my understanding. I am left with a few discrete experiences that were superficially exciting, but without the magical feeling of accomplishment or achievement that comes with throwing oneself into something with 110%.

Whether in my personal or professional life, one habit that I vow to actively nurture is immediate action. Procrastination is at the root of this scourge on my life. Procrastination AND poorly executed multitasking. Very poorly executed multitasking. My consistent yet crazy attempts to do too many things at once undermine my already deficient finishing skills.

For example, my stubborn insistence on reading 6 books at once. When is the last time I FINISHED a book? Each new book I encounter has me salivating to crack it open...and I do each and every time. After the first few chapters, I inevitably put it down and swap it out with the next saliva-inducing read. And it's not like I'm reading salacious page-turners...these are non-fiction! ( Hmm...what WAS the last book I actually finished? I think it was The Prophet...or maybe Smart Women Finish Rich). Issues of social justice, pause-worthy ideas, self-discovery and -betterment, phenomena, universal mysteries and Truths...these are buzz words that I simply find irresistible. If I encounter a book that speaks to any aspect of the above, I am weak in the knees. And now you see my dilemma...since that covers just about EVERYTHING! haha.

My thirst for the new, the edgy, the exciting will not disappear. I can, however, focus my scattered light energy into a sharper beam. It's like my personal light is being shone through a prism, splitting into all its constituent colors and scattering every which way. It is a nice show, but it is a bit chaotic. I cannot pretend to not like a bit of chaos and disorder...in following the lead of the Universe, which itself inherently moves towards higher entropy, or disorder. Humans seek to harness their penchant for the unbridled with our rules and systems and laws. In best case scenarios, imposed "order" may produce efficiency (I'm an optimist; however, the realist in me recognizes the possibility of iron-fisted oppression as an outcome). In light of this potential benefit of moderate harnessing, I am re-dedicating myself to the imposition of more order in the court of my life.

I still value my earnestness and excitability...I just need it to be tethered to the pole of reality, in order to get the job (any job) done. For the love of God...

That's my story and I'm sticking to it...for now!

*love*